


Bedroom Thoughts

by Tinychemicals



Series: Bedroom Thoughts [1]
Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2017-12-20 13:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinychemicals/pseuds/Tinychemicals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn's thoughts and feelings on when Rae and Chloe came to his to hang out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alone and confused

When Chloe decided to take herself home, he finally had some time to just sit with his thoughts. His main thought being how different this day was supposed to have gone. At the very least he thought that listening to some crap reggae would maybe lead to some making out, for fucks sake maybe he would have even worked up the courage to tell her how he felt. She was an enigma all brave and put together, he couldn't read her. Maybe she'd laugh in his face and give him that lets just be friends speech. But the lump in his throat and the pull in his belly ensured that he wouldn't be able to last much longer without making some sort of declaration. Telling her how he felt was an itch that he couldn't wait to scratch. He just had to figure out how to put the words together.

If he closed his eyes he could still picture her sitting in the chair across from his bed, long dark hair pouring down her shoulders, that cute face she made when rolling her eyes at Chloe, he was pretty sure that wasn't meant for him to see. But he saw it, he saw everything she did. Don't think him uncaring, he was concerned that Rae was home sick but it wouldn't have bothered him if she stayed, he would have gladly made her tea and held her hair back while she tossed her cookies. That alone was something he never in his life thought he'd be happy to do but the list of things he wouldn't do for her was nonexistent. Maybe he could sooth her and make her feel better and she'd realize that she needed him in her life as well.

It was a chore to try and figure out the exact moment she became twisted in his every single thought. He couldn't remember a time when Rae wasn't around and that made him pretty happy. Now he just needed to figure out how he was going to make sure she never left. France, he'd die if she left for France for months again. His record collection was about to significantly grow. If that's how he could get her to his house, then he was going to make sure that he had a reason at least weekly to invite her over. Eventually he'd figure out how to make her fall for him. Music could bring them together.

But she had been in his room, such a private world as his bedroom. After settling in the chair, her smell sent his head racing. The glorious scent of cherry blossoms, he must have looked like a total idiot sniffing the fabric. His fingertips were on fire at the thought of touching her soft skin. He should have kissed her when spaceman started playing, the way she smiled at him. Kissing Rae, how good she must taste, how soft those lips must be. Would she let him kiss her? Would she kiss him back? Oh God he was turning into a mess. How could someone feel this way about a person without ever even kissing them? She was special he thought and the feelings she conjured…oh God, he had to do something about this now before he totally went mad.


	2. Part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was special, he thought and the feelings she conjured…oh God, he had to do something about this now before he totally went mad.

He hadn’t been able to even make himself go to sleep because well really what was he supposed to do with his entire bedroom smelling of Rae. 

“Rae” he smiled when saying it aloud. Even the sound of her name gave him butterflies, the way his mouth twisted forming the words. He threw himself back on his bed, glancing over at the clock. It was exactly 10:04, part of him knew that it wasn’t too late to go to her house and kiss her on the very mouth she had been sick from earlier in the day and exactly none of him cared even if she still tasted of puke. The other far heavier part of him knew that there was a real possibility that she would deck him and send him home with a bruised eye, ego and heart. What the fuck will you ever accomplish if you never do anything or take some sort of risk? Sure she was new to the gang but she had fit in immediately and as far as he was concerned just as he had told her earlier, she was the gang. So what do you do? Do you take the risk and fuck up a friendship or do you just sit in your bedroom when you should be sleeping and spend the entire night making yourself miserable over the things you should have done?

He decided that he would get up off his ass and see if he could talk himself out of it on the walk to her house, if he had managed to do so by the time he got there then he’d turn around and come home, fully aware that he was a huge knobhead. If he made it the entire way there and still had that ache in his gut then he’d walk in her bedroom and kiss her like she had never been kissed before and then they’d go from there. Kissing her had to be the only way to really let her know, he was certain that one kiss between the two of them would be the only definition of what in the bloody fuck was going on. Once the cool night air hit his face he was already bouncing back and forth between decisions. She’s gonna feel the same you idiot and the kiss will be perfect, she’s gonna look at you like she did when she denied you that hug and tell you she has a no kissing idiots policy. Well she’s gonna do something that’s for sure. Once he made it to her house, he could see that her bedroom light was still on. But his thoughts were all over the place at this point, what the hell are you going to do now? Don't worry about going mad Nelson, you’re already there.


	3. Chapter 3

Don’t worry about going mad Nelson, you’re already there.  
The light was on he repeated in his head and for a few minutes he just stood there looking at it, honestly hoping to catch a glimpse of her. He smoked twice and still had the same feeling in his gut. After standing at the door for well over ten minutes he turned and walked across the road. He then walked back to the door and then half a block back towards his house. The third time he was face to face with her door he realized he was absolutely insane. Great, now I'm a stalker. Without any warning the door was pulled open. Rae's mom stood looking more than a little concerned.   
“Is there an actual reason as to why you’re out here doing this?"  
"Not really" he muttered.  
"Are you sound?" She asked genuinely concerned   
"Um Ms. Earl, is it okay if I talk to Rae?"   
“While a big part of me says you're trouble, I'm going to allow it. She's up stairs"   
“Thank you” he sighed relieved, at least she was letting him in the door, he wasn’t sure in his state he would have been able to climb in that window but he would have fucking tried. The steps leading upstairs seemed never ending. He remembered which door was hers from that amazing night they spent during the sexy party. He stood at her closed door for an unreasonable amount of time just arguing with himself about what he should say. He turned and glanced and at the bottom of the stairs stood Rae’s mom just watching him. Fuck, now she thinks I’m a complete idiot. She had a hint of a smile on her face and it actually calmed him down for a second.   
“Go on” she nudged “it’ll be alright, no matter what it is.” He smiled and turned back to the door, stop being such a pussy, he told himself and then knocked on the door. Rae yelled something he couldn’t quite make it out, he assumed she thought it was her mom; nevertheless, he opened the door.   
“Finn” she stated obviously taken aback. And then it happened, he lost any sort of ability to form words and couldn’t even mutter enough strength to say hello. So without another thought in his head he slammed his mouth against hers. He wasn't sure if it had taken her by surprise and she just hadn't decided to throw him from the window or if she liked it. Her body was tense, not nearly as tense as his, he needed her to relax. Mostly he just needed her to respond in some fucking way. He felt like such an idiot, hands clasped on her shoulders 38 seconds after what could have been the world’s most awkward kiss ever. And neither of them had spoken a single word.   
"Say something" he mumbled nervously, furrowing his brow.   
"Um" she bit her lip, glanced around the room and then laughed in his face. He was a deer in headlights. He turned to walk out, feeling incredibly defeated.   
"Wait" Rae called after him.   
"Why? So you can continue laughing at me. Listen I get it, we don't need to have this talk"   
"Maybe you're right, we don't need to talk. I just need you to try that again but maybe with a little mor-" it took three steps for him to close the distance between them. He grabbed the back of her head, entwining his fingers in her hair and pulled her face to his. He had to make up for the first one and he wasn't stopping until she pulled away from him completely breathless. He sucked on her bottom lip and pulled back just enough to let her think he was going to break the kiss, she responded pulling him back in opening her mouth to let him in. He swiped his tongue across hers and she massaged her own into his. He was near boiling when she nipped at his bottom lip having just wrapped her arms around his neck. They had ended up leaning against her bedroom door and neither of them could keep their hands off the other. He pressed his lips to hers, she leaned back just allowing hers to graze his but not allowing him to make the connection, she smiled and did it again, even going so far as to dance her tongue ever so lightly across his bottom lip and then she went in for the kill. She was teasing him, Rae, the very same Rae he had spent days, hours and minutes losing his mind over, was teasing him. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and finally allowed him to roughly kiss her. He pressed her harder against the door trapping both her hands under his above her head. He let her drop her arms and they ended up in his hair. He pressed against her with even more force, grinding into her to make sure she knew what she was doing to him. She pulled at his hair, he leaned his head back and she nibbled, sucked and kissed the entire length of his neck. When his hand went for the hem of her shirt she pulled away. Breathless. He achieved his goal.   
"What does this mean?" She asked smiling.   
"I’m pretty sure it means you've wanted to kiss me just as bad as I've wanted to kiss you.” She smiled and her cheeks flushed a little, desire flicked across her eyes igniting his and he went back in. He was going to finish the job and she wouldn’t have any questions about the meaning of anything after tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

Colors were brighter, the birds were singing and the glass that had previously been half empty was looking like it might actually dribble over. Maybe I don't wanna be your friend, how could he have been so oblivious to what she was trying to tell him. Serves him right for torturing himself this entire time, she tried to tell him, it was his own fault for not actually listening to her. More so his fault for not just kissing her the second they stepped into that cupboard. But now, now, he couldn’t get this stupid grin off his face, it was a winner’s grin and he had won the gold medal. She kissed him, she liked him and she even let him get a little under the shirt action. Maybe now he could stop staring at them all the time… ah no probably not. Granted they didn’t get a lot of talking accomplished but he felt like it was getting to a really good place. Tonight he was finally able to sleep for more than three hours.   
They were all meeting at The Swan the next day and he was really excited to see how things would progress. As soon as he walked in he noticed the empty seat next to Rae, when she saw him she smiled, blushed a little and tucked her hair behind her ear. But she didn’t say a word. Why? Did she regret what happened last night? Better question why was he so fucking self-conscious will all things surrounding her? He sat down and leaned over into her while giving the gang a proper hello. It wouldn’t be that out of the ordinary if he wasn’t very chatty, they were used to it. Chop left to get another round and he had a moment to ‘talk’ once Izzy started in on Chloe about her newest fling. He slid closer and traced ‘what's wrong’; she shook her head, implying nothing. Confused, he was really confused. While he was so busy pawing at her last night he should have maybe taken a few minutes to talk to her. She leaned away from him injecting herself into the conversation between the girls leaving him totally hanging in the wind. Fuck, he lost it. He jumped up out of his seat and stomped outside, headed to the ally his quiet place to think. Why was it so fucking impossible to talk to her! How did this entire day go from amazing to fucking hell in 10 minutes? She knew how he felt she knew what she did to him; she felt it…against her leg last night. Oh God, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He finally knew the answer to this riddle. And he was damn sure going to get it straight this time. After throwing the door open and stomping back inside, albeit a little more dramatic than he had intended; he caught a glimpse of her going down the hall towards the back. Perfect some alone time and as much as he would want to throw her against the wall and ravish her, it would have to wait.


	5. Chapter 5

Perfect some alone time and as much as he would want to throw her against the wall and ravish her, it would have to wait.   
Well it should have waited… she turned seeing him walk in behind her. Then she fucking smirked, she turned her head, leaned back against the wall and didn’t remove that fucking smirk from her mouth. Ugh that beautiful mouth, lips perfectly plump and practically begging to be kissed. It was devastatingly distracting and he knew in that moment that Rae was in fact smarter than him and he was also pretty sure she knew how to get what she wanted. And further to the point who was he to ever deny Rae any single thing she wanted. He had already been denying himself, touching her, kissing her, tasting her and he was done with denial. Don’t hold back Nelson; show her what you’ve got. Until this point neither of them had actually spoken, he was standing within arm’s length and she showed no signs of making any sort of move.   
“Are you going to say anything?” he finally whispered.   
“Are you going to do anything?” she replied emphasizing do, letting her mouth toy with the word. She was the definition of an antagonist and will certainly be the death of him. When he realized that now he could do with his hands what he had previously been only allowed to do with his eyes, he…well he stopped thinking again. It wasn’t a rush this time, though he probably should have but hell if she wanted to play games, then he could too.   
“I dunno Rae, I’m not sure what you want.” He grinned mischievously, he saw a little of her power drain from her eyes, it was quickly replaced with burning lust. Lust he could do, he knew what to do with that. He didn’t move, not one to be fucked with, it was time for her to get a taste of her own medicine. He wanted her unhinged and so she would be. He didn’t touch her but he stepped into her leaning forward and placed his hands palms to the walls directly beside her shoulders. He locked his eyes with hers, making sure she knew to pay attention. He waited for her breathing to slow before glancing away, only however to drop his stare down slightly to her full pouty lips. He licked his own, biting down ever so slightly, foreshadowing what he had in mind for her later. Her eyes set exactly where he wanted them, right on his mouth. She wanted it; the flames upon her cheeks and catch just barely noticeable in her breathing were all white flags. She was ready to surrender but you know, why not stoke the fire? Surely he could turn the embers into a forest fire.  
He dropped one arm down the wall, settling his finger tips on the back of her hand. She flinched, success. Then lightly stroking her heated skin he brought his hand back up her arm, across her shoulder, after tracing along the scoop neckline of he removed his hand and replaced only his thumb against her bottom lip. It was still moist from her previous attempt at seducing him, this only worked to his advantage. Wrapping the rest of his fingers around her cheek he slowly traced along her top lip and then the bottom. She ever so slightly opened her mouth; he could feel her take a deep breath, her warm breath dancing across his thumb.   
“Do you want me to kiss you?” She nodded her head, yes. “I asked a question, I expect a proper answer.” He didn’t know where this shit was coming from, he just knew that if this was going to progress any farther than kissing he needed to claim some of the power back in this relationship.   
“Yes” she stuttered out “I want you to kiss me.”   
“Good because I want to kiss you.” He smiled sweetly and tucked her hair behind her ear “I’m not going to thought.” She was mad, really mad and he had some explaining to do, quickly. “I don't want to play this game, so this is checkmate and when you decide you’re ready to play for keeps, I promise I’ll make up for this and it’ll be worth it.”


	6. Chapter 6

I promise I’ll make up for this and it’ll be worth it.   
Maybe he had made a promise that she didn’t think he could keep. Maybe he should have kissed her; maybe he should have done a lot of things differently because we were now three days out from the non-kiss moment. She hadn't been around at all, in fact when he had asked Chloe the 4th time about Rae she all but bit his head off. It was different this time, he had put himself on the line and he deserved for Rae to put herself out there at least a little bit. He had resigned to the fact that she just didn’t feel the same way, or maybe she was only interested in kissing and what followed but he wanted more from her.   
Those three days had left him in knots, his stomach, head and heart. Would he be okay with just a surface relationship with her? He knew the answer to this question was no but he was trying to convince himself that something from her would be better than nothing. But what was so horrible about him that she wouldn’t want to be with him, sure maybe he was a bit of a dick when they had first met but that was only because he didn’t know she was sound. Was she going to hold that against him forever? For fucks sake he had already apologized for it. This battle in his mind was about to drive him mad. If something didn’t happen soon he wasn’t completely sure what he was going to do with himself.   
He was already annoying every single person around him; he knew this was true when his dad stated he and his mum would be leaving for a weekend holiday. And they made it crystal clear that he was not invited. Now he’d be stuck home alone without a single person to vent to or to annoy further with his endless list of what if scenarios. After 45 minutes of flipping through channels he had decided he had to get out of the house. It was after 9 and a Friday night surely he could find something to do. However, when he flung his front door open he was met with a surprise that even in his wildest what if scenarios never seemed possible. Across the walk way on the side walk stood Rae pacing back and forth rehearsing some sort of conversation. She hadn't even noticed that he opened the door; she was so deep in thought. Should he go back inside and wait for her to be ready to talk? What if she changed her mind and just left? No it was now or never.   
“Rae” he called out, she jumped, he had scared her. “Sorry” he half laughed.   
“It’s alright” she mumbled her cheeks flamed that deep red he loved so much, he wanted to reach out and touch them. He wanted to make every inch of her skin burn and ache all for him. Calm down Finn you can't go to this place right now, you’ll never hear what she’s come to say.   
“What are you doing out her? Do you want to come in?” she huffed and sort of shuffled her feet.   
“Yeah, I suppose so.” His heart fell into the very pit of his stomach. This didn’t feel like it was going to be a good conversation. She continued up the walk way and he opened the door for her to go in first.   
“Did you want a drink or something?” he had to prolong the disappointment she was about to deliver.   
“No thanks, I’m okay” she fiddled with the buttons on her flannel not even looking up at him.   
“Maybe something to eat? I could order a pizza my parents are out for the weekend.”   
“No Finn I don't want anything to eat or drink.” She seemed annoyed. “I just want to get this over with.”   
“Get what over with?”   
“I just…” she trailed off and after about 30 seconds of the most awkward silence he had ever experienced she exploded “I just don't know what you want from me, I thought maybe you just were curious and wanted to see what it's like to fool around with a fat girl but this isn’t funny to me. These are my feelings that you’re messing with and if you like me then you need to say it out loud and stop fucking around. I can handle kissing you and fooling around with you but I can't handle what you did the other day, I don't like being messed with.” Then he sort of realized it, while he thought his actions had been clear enough for her to understand she was exactly the same as him, she needed to hear out loud exactly his intentions.   
“Sit down Rae.”   
“I will not sit down!” she shouted “I do not need a drink, food or for you to bloody tell me to sit down! And you had better not tell me to calm down either! You had better open your mouth and tell me what the actual fuck is going on!” He smiled, which was probably the worst thing he could have done in this moment because that flame on her cheeks that he loved so much finally met her eyes. “I knew it” she yelled “I knew someone like you would never actually like someone like me.”   
“Rae you haven’t allowed me to speak more than 3 words this entire time! So I am going to tell you to calm down and I am going to tell you to sit down and you are going to listen to what I have to say before you start making even more ridiculous assumptions. And while I’m at it you will stop saying horrible things about yourself. Everything about you is beautiful.” She bit her lip, he assumed to keep them closed and walked to the sofa and sat down twisting her ankles around each other. It would have been a really perfect moment for him to tell her everything that had been running through his head, if only he could have found some way to allow them to make sense but that was it, all the authority he had in himself had been used just to get her to shut up for 5 seconds. He sat down next to her and took her hand in his placing the back of her hand into his palm. He slowly traced the L- glancing up at her after each letter to make sure she understood. O – Her eyes softened. V – She half smiled. E- She turned her hand entwining her fingers with his.   
“Why” she asked softly.   
“Because I do” he stated matter of fact and pulled her to him crashing his mouth against hers. They were swimming in sofa pillows, hands were exploring the new found land of each other’s bodies and their mouths hadn't let go of the others lips in what felt like hours. When she stopped him from pushing down her leggings he thought he had taken it too far. He couldn’t help it, she was here underneath him and she was smiling and allowing him to touch her in places he had dreamt about and she had dug her fingers into the soft skin of his back, her legs wrapped firmly around him, dragging her foot up and down the back of his leg and practically daring him to continue.   
“What's wrong?” he asked his breath jagged.   
“I don't want this to be some random hook up.” she spoke softly   
“Rachel Earl!” she shouted “I do not want to randomly hook up with you, I want to make you feel how you make me feel. I want to make you happy and I want to be with you in every single way possible!” it came out significantly harsher than he had actually intended. Much to his surprise she actually laughed.   
“Did you just ask me to be your girlfriend?” she said biting her lips to hide the ever growing smile. He shook his head.   
“I've been trying to ask you that for weeks.” He shouted throwing his hands up.   
“Well boyfriend, can you continue with what you were doing now, I was really enjoying it.”   
“You are exhausting you know that right?”   
“Maybe so but are you willing to figure the rest of me out?” he smiled and shook his head at her.   
“The rest of you is mine. Every” he kissed her hand “little” he kissed her nose “bit” he kissed her cheek “of” he kissed her chin “you” he kissed her bottom lip “is” he kissed her top lip “mine” he kissed mouth hard.


End file.
